Hmm…

I love how the Stats page on WordPress gives you interesting data that I frankly don’t know what to do with. Today it told me I had visitors from Japan and India. That’s pretty cool. It also told me that some people found my site through Facebook, which is a little concerning since this blog is quasi-anonymous and I don’t use Facebook. And finally, it told me that one of the search terms that led some poor soul to my site was, “dirty bitmojis.” Umm…

Don't forget to capitalize the "B."

Don’t forget to capitalize the “B.”

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Call and Response

It’s my day off but I’m getting ready to go to a mandatory work thingie. These are half-day affairs, usually consisting of continuing education and financial updates, practice improvement announcements and a sprinkle of propaganda. This one is being held at a fancy hotel downtown. I briefly glanced at the agenda last night. An excerpt:

9:00 – 9:05 am WELCOME & ANNOUNCEMENTS Dr. *. ****
9:05 – 9:15 am ANAL HEALTH Dr. *. ********

I am assuming we are allowed to go business casual today. My sartorial response:

Blazer by Helmut Lang. T-shirt by Nordstrom Rack.

Blazer by Helmut Lang. T-shirt by Nordstrom Rack.

I knew this shirt would come in handy someday.

*For the concerned, I do have two hands. This is just an intentional optical illusion. Yeah, that’s it.

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Brand New Day

Haleakala at sunrise.

Haleakala at sunrise.

During the Missing Year, I often searched for meaning in unexpected places.  You know you’re probably not in the best shape when you look to fortune cookies, songs on the radio, and graffiti for hope, a sign from the Universe, anything really, to convince you to keep hanging on for dear life.

Just after the new year, I was driving on a wide expanse of highway that has a view of the city. A Joshua Radin song came on the Pandora station I happened to be listening to:

It’s a brand new day
The sun is shining
It’s a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I’ll be ok

—Joshua Radin, Brand New Day

And at that moment, it occurred to me that I finally, truly believed that last line again. And with it came a huge sense of relief and gratitude that I thought would never come. But no matter how bad the nightmare is, there is always a morning.

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On Chivalry

Over the weekend, I was at my favorite sausage and gin joint and got involved in an animated discussion with my bartender friend (a lady) and Guy at the Bar. We were discussing who should pay on a first date. All three of us agreed that the dude should pay. Lady bartender and I agreed that the woman should always do the reach and/or offer but that a gentleman should not concede. I mean, I will back up my offer if allowed to do so, but chances are, unless you are my unicorn, we will probably not have a second date. It’s not about the money, it’s about the gesture and, in my experience, a pattern of behavior to come. With the caveat: if the girl is being rude and/or the date is a total disaster, both parties have the right to say “let’s split this?” I have offered to split the tab when I do not want to see someone again. But the honest truth is that ladies (in general; I wear pretty much the same makeup no matter where I am going because it’s the only kind I know how to do) spend 10x the cost of a coffee or drink getting gussied up for a date. Not to mention that putting on makeup is kind of a pain:

*As an aside: Guy at the Bar insisted on buying me a cocktail (it was 2pm on a Sunday but what the hell) and then asked me out. He was physically attractive, but there will be no date because he was way too young; I draw the line at 32 35 these days. God forbid I be labeled a cougar (or as my friend I says, “puma,” a slightly younger cougar). Plus, he pulled a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, to the point where I thought he most likely was on something; not that one has to be high on drugs to ask me out. At least I hope not. But because after my friend F arrived to join us, he clammed up and actually moved down to the very end of the bar. F joked that she was man repellent but I’m 95% sure his cocaine/speed just wore off. Unfortunately, when I am put on the spot, I don’t know how to not give out my number. I didn’t learn from onlybadchi’s experience…

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Easy Lemon Parmesan Pasta

My BFF gave me this recipe several years ago after he made it for the first course of a birthday dinner he threw for me. It is great for nights when there is nothing left in the fridge or when you crave comfort food: it’s like mac and cheese with a citrus zing. Trust me, it sounds weird but it’s delicious.

This was my lunch today.

This was my lunch today.

Ingredients:

  • pasta (I prefer bucatini but linguine also works)
  • a splash of olive oil
  • lemon juice (to taste)
  • salt and pepper (to taste)
  • shredded Parmesan cheese (to taste, there is a theme here)

Boil the pasta according to the time listed on the box for al dente. Drain the pasta, reserving a small bit of the cooking water (1-2 teaspoons depending on how much pasta you have). Put pasta and water in a (non-metal) mixing bowl. Drizzle with a little olive oil. Add the remaining ingredients and toss. Taste and add more of any of the last three ingredients as needed. Sprinkle a bit of Parmesan on top and serve. It really is that easy.

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Genius in a Cup

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Behold the Dirty Root Beer Float: two scoops of vanilla ice cream with root beer and two shots of espresso. The espresso tempers the sweetness of the root beer and gives the drink a dark chocolatey taste. I gave up soda a few years ago, but this is an exception. I know my friend pjr would love this: two of his favorite drinks…in one cup! I also know that as long as the weather stays hot and I have to be coherent at work, the nice guys at bru coffeebar will be seeing a lot of me.

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Pilates is My Yoga

I have tried yoga a handful (two handfuls, really) of times and I still haven’t been hooked. I’m sure I will try it again sometime in the future but I find it more frustrating than calming. Unless you are in a smallish class, as a beginner, you’re pretty much on your own. Also, there is always that one guy or gal who has to exhale orgasmically after some downward dog or chattaraunga. Aside from being unnecessary and a little TMI, it also makes me feel like I am definitely doing it wrong. My inner not-so yogi wants to shout: show-off!

Enter Pilates. It requires controlled breathing and focus on your body and posture, but the nature of the discipline and the Reformer make it more clinical, which suits me just fine. I started practicing after I had spine surgery, as a form of physical therapy, but I have come to find it soothing as well. I have arrived at class, full of road rage from an evening commute and left calmer, stretched out and sweaty. Not to mention having to log roll out of bed the next morning because my abs were so sore.

A goal to strive for.

A goal to strive for.

I tried a new class last Friday–Pilates Jumpboard. I love it. A board is placed at the foot of the Reformer and with only 1-2 springs attached, it’s plyometrics, while lying down—perfect for a lazy exerciser like myself. My instructor, Jenny Tate, is awesome. She is high energy without being overboard, always has a fun playlist and the classes are limited to 5 students, which is basically semi-private. As my friend I says, after a certain age (any age, really), exercise is no longer a luxury or an option. It’s medicine. If you live in LA, you should check out Jenny’s studio. Just don’t take my Reformer!

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I Love Ansel Elgort, Part Two

Dreamy and a do-gooder!

Dreamy and a do-gooder! Image courtesy of Prizeo.com

Ansel Elgort recently celebrated his twenty-first birthday (at least it’s legal to have a crush on him. Appropriate? That’s another topic entirely.) and in lieu of gifts, he decided to start a Prizeo campaign. Prizeo is like Kickstarter for celebrities with a cause; donate and you can win certain prizes like autographed photos, t-shirts, and “once-in-a-lifetime experiences.” In our modern, celebrity-obsessed society, this is a great use of social media, providing an easy platform for celebrities to pimp themselves out for a charity (and I mean that with the utmost respect. For once, no sarcasm-really!)  Ansel has chosen the Thirst Project, which works to build freshwater wells in communities without access to clean drinking water.

So of course, I totally donated. Because Oriental Lady strongly believes that everyone worldwide should be able to enjoy a cup of hot, clean water. And the shot at winning lunch with Ansel is okay too, I guess.

I donated at the “Dauntless” level, which earns me a t-shirt, ten entries into the “Lunch with Ansel” drawing and an email from Ansel. Check it out here if you’d like to donate too! If you are donating purely to provide others with clean drinking water and don’t want to eat lunch with an adorable, talented young man who thinks about things other than himself, please feel free to donate your contest entries to me (or pretty much any preteen/teenage girl). Now that he’s twenty-one, I’d love to buy him a drink. ;)

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A Quick Shout Out!

WordPress just informed me that my site had a visitor from Albania today. My very first. Thanks for visiting, person from Albania! That is so cool that I wanted to give you a personal shout out!

Dinosaur jokes aside, I really do think the Internet is pretty amazing. These days, technology can connect or disconnect people—at the same time. Glad that this is an example of the former.

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Selfies I Approve Of

You know you are getting old and/or becoming a curmudgeon when you finally hear yourself utter the phrase, “kids these days…” I don’t get selfies. Part of it is pure vanity; my arm is not nearly long enough to take a picture of myself that would be attractive. Fear of double chin and turkey neck stops me from even considering it. Secondly, if you are on vacation, instead of a pretty vista or landmark in the background, you have a picture of…your face. What, you say? Use a selfie stick? The person who thought of this invention is opportunistic pretty smart but should also be spanked. Every time another museum bans selfie sticks (you go, Versailles and Smithsonian!), the little misanthrope in me does a dance.

Recently, though, I did come across a form of selfie I could get behind: Danish Artist Olivia Muus has created the Museum of Selfies. This is an occasion when a picture is definitely worth a thousand words:

Image courtesy of Museum of Selfies Tumblr page

Image courtesy of Museum of Selfies Tumblr page

It’s art imitating life imitating art. So meta. And genius!

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